for the edges of an evening

Practice on your own

Two short things: one for the walk in, one for the drive home.

This isn't a wellness library, and it isn't a substitute for the room. Everything here exists because it makes being with people easier — that's the only thing that earns a spot on this page.

before you come

Arriving

about 2 minutes · in the car, or on the sidewalk

Walking into a room of people you don't know does something to the body. The point of this isn't to make that go away — it's to be there when it happens, so you're not managing it for the first ten minutes of the flow.

  1. Stop moving. Feet on the ground, weight actually on them.
  2. Three slow breaths, longer out than in. Don't perform the breathing.
  3. Ask yourself, honestly: what's happening in my body right now? Tight chest, buzzing hands, heaviness, nothing at all — all fine answers. You're not fixing it, just finding it.
  4. Then: if I said that out loud in there, would it be true? That's the one you might open with.

You'll notice this is most of what we do in the circle anyway. That's on purpose.

after you leave

Letting it land

about 5 minutes · that night, or the next morning

The hour after a gathering is usually when the mind starts editing — replaying what you said, deciding whether you did it right. This is a way to keep what actually happened instead of the review of it.

  1. Write down one moment you remember from the room. Not the most impressive one — the one that's still there.
  2. What did you feel in your body during it? One line is enough.
  3. What did you almost say and didn't? No judgment attached. Just note it.
  4. Close with one sentence: the thing I'd want to bring back next time is…

Number three is the useful one. Over a few weeks it starts showing you a pattern about what you hold back, and where.

That's it, for now. Two practices done properly beat a shelf of them — more will show up here when they've earned it.

Both of these are better with the middle part.

Every other Tuesday, 7:00–8:30pm at Activation Studios in NoDa. Twelve spots, $10–20 sliding scale.